When life’s too busy

I remember when I was a young wife, new employee in a full-time position, and living permanently away from my parents for the first time. Throw in a husband who traveled a lot - it’s easy to see how the increased demands and responsibilities of life were overwhelming. It felt like I barely had any time for myself as I kept busy with all my work and domestic tasks. Six kids and one counseling business later, I laugh at how busy I thought I was. It’s amusing to look back and see how much free time I really did have. I try to keep this in perspective, wondering if I’ll look back at this time 10 years later, finding I also had more time than I realized. I’m certainly not denying the reality of a full schedule. But zero free time? That hardly can’t be true.

When my husband and I started having kids, we had no choice but to make adjustments. I went down to part-time, he tried to hand over some traveling responsibilities, and we took more of a “divide and conquer” approach to managing the kids and household. Certain things got dropped all together. Unfortunately those “things that get dropped” aren’t always good things to let go of. Yes, diapers need changed and leaving for work is necessary. Do you know what else is necessary? Spending time with your spouse and spending time with Our Lord. It’s so easy to push these priorities aside because you’re “too busy” for date night, church, or prayer. The irony is these pieces that are all too readily dropped are the pieces that keep you afloat when the demands of life come crashing down.

Research has continued to show the positive benefits both individually and relationally for spending time in connection and in communion with both your spouse and with God. Having a strong connection with your spouse provides a buffer for the stressors you encounter. Spending time in prayer and nurturing your relationship with God leaves you open to His graces and peace, and is literally good for your soul. When you feel like life is at its busiest is the exact time when these two relationships should be prioritized.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed at the thought of adding one more thing to your plate, here are some easy steps to get you started.

1 - Make it a commitment. Remember this is for your benefit. This is both preventative for the future and impactful in the moment. Don’t wait for your marriage or faith life to be failing before doing something about it.

2 - Start small. It doesn’t have to be big for it to be effective. Is there 5 minutes before bed that you and your spouse can check in with each other? Maybe setting your morning alarm for 5 minutes earlier to pray?

3 - Be consistent. Consistency is important to develop the habit and honor your commitment. Consistency doesn’t mean rigidity. If you overslept and didn’t get your prayer time in the morning, find another time for that day. Too tired to connect with your spouse at night? Let them know this! Even sharing your fatigue is something.

4 - Show yourself grace. If you miss a day (or two, or more) just start over. We all get off track at times. Shaming yourself will only keep you stuck. Show yourself compassion for being human, and maybe ask your spouse and God to help keep you on track.

It’s so easy to tell ourselves that we don’t have time. What’s not easy is trying to salvage a marriage that has been neglected for years or trying to crawl out of the shame of abandoning God. Sometimes the path isn’t always easy in the moment, but it’s certainly worthwhile in the end.

Authentically,

Joey